the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
