if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
