my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize