If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
