I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
