Im at strip club and am horny
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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