easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize