this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
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Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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