4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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