On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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