you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
