How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
