you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
