Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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