I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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