He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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