The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
