This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
