TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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