i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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