I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
