put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
