The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
