idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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