I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
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I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
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He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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