"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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