Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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