Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
