their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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