i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
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Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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