yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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