the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
