we have officially lost it.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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