i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
