I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
