And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
