our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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