There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
