I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
