$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
