I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just forgot I was standing up.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
