maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
