Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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