Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize