Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
