girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
