You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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