i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Too much gin, very little bucket
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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