i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
