you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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