dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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