DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
