Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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