KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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