So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
