Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
