Can i not drive my cunt home
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
