remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
