i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
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You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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