ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
