I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
