i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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