Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
