I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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