Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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