I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
